#2

Day 2 and ongoing to day 3.

Let's stay committed and let's stay real till the end of the deal.
This sucks, but i have to do this.

On the brighter note, things have been going pretty smooth for me as of late. Lotsa things to come for the month of February. Still looking out for more people to join "swagteam," sounds kinda lame but i wanna get the photoshoot done and be reppin' Vancouver. Let's make this shit happen and let's get it down! Ignore all those haters and keep movin' like a player, because this is the game we all play. So the haters keep hating and keep doing what you're good at. Some people never learn, and they never seem to realize that haterade isn't that tasteful after all. But i'll keep this in mind and i'll keep working at it, i want "swagteam" to happen. And don't be doubting me, i'll be laughing at you when it does happen.

Swagteam - vancouver, in the making. Going big and going hard.

Out.

Everything will be okay

I remember a person told me that "if a girl really likes you, she will come to you and that's when you know she's a keeper."

Keep thinking Private Cheng... good things will come and it will happen.
And fuck you to those that are laughing at me for this post, because you'll be the one laughing when you're in this position.

Bounce.

Day #1

Today was a good day overall. I enjoy chill days where nothing really goes down, no parties, no beef, just relaxing with the hangouts, munchin' out and dicking around. I love it. Looking forward to valentines, we'll see what goes down, not tryna indicate anything but good shits gon' happen!
And of course i'm over my emo phase, that shit is hella emo, when i read my previous posts, sounded hella lame. I'll try not to post anymore of those lame reads. Why be sad when you can be happy eh?

Enjoy the pictures.

sigh

Like some say, words can't simply describe everything that goes on in your mind. I don't know how i should feel right now. Angry? Mad? Sad? Emo? Faggitry? Jerk? fuck.

it was like .....

I could remember the day that she walked out the door, and left me for good, telling me to be better kid, to listen to what adults had to say. It was like when she left i couldn't cry, i didn't know how to cry. Although we haven't known each other for a long time, it was like the world had ate a piece of me, more specifically, my heart. I felt heartless for the longest time in the world. Each day asking myself what had gone wrong, and how to ease this pain that i couldn't even feel anymore. I knew that she was gone forever, but i didn't dare to ask anyone, until one day i gained enough courage and asked. One responded, "she's not gonna be here with us anymore, she's gone." I looked at the sky and asked myself, "why was i soo unfortunate...."
Nobody could see the pain i was in because i didn't cry nor did i talk, i was in my own world for the longest time and lastly i never asked about her.

To this day, i still question myself, wondering what could of happened if she stayed in my life. I just want to let her know i miss her a shit loads. Come back into my life please. It's been soooo long that i've seen you around.

Most of you won't understand what i'm trying to say but if you do, you'll probably know how i feel. Relate.

Private Cheng out.

You never seem to realize.

I'm quite happy about the fact that i got 22/30 on my first test with minimal effort of studying. And now onto the bad news, i have another test tomorrow and it's gonna be hardcore, kinda scared because i don't understand the textbook at all. I hate school. I hate life. I hate girls. I hate this game. It always seems like that i'm the one to always approach and never will i get the same in return, maybe this is a hint for all the good things to close in and to let the bad things come out. This time i know i was true to myself and that i tried, i'm not disappointed, i just regret doing all those things that made me loook like a fool. Hopefully one day you can be the one to pick me back up on my feet, i'll be betting on that day will come. You might just realize that i was there for you, but you never needed my help, keep in mind you always have first dibs to my shoulders, regardless of any situation. Please, just let me know if i'm wasting my time because the time is ticking and everytime i seem to talk to you, you put on that front that everything is fine. Deep down, i see a really nice girl that had her heart broken, as much as i tried to mend it, you always refuse to let me help you. Don't take me wrong, you're amazing, one day i'd like to make you my wife, but if you're with another guy i'll understand. Remember all the good times we've had, because it might not be the same again, for better or for worse. I'm sorry for being a jerk.






Sweeter than the sweetest girl i've seen.

Enough said. If you asked me, i'm stressed out to the max right now.

Shake me till you wake me from this bad dream.

So i've noticed the people that actually care for me and it's amazing to tell the difference between the reals and the fakes. Nonetheless, this weekend went by so quick and exam period is about to begin. Gotta get my studies on and fuck them chicks for a while. I can't afford to waste anymore time on this, so whatever comes, comes. No more bullshit for me. Is it worth it? This has got to be the most hurting weekend of 2010.

Sometimes, didn't you wish you had that special someone you could always rely on, to talk about your problems, to share your emosauce with, and to entertain you when you're bored. Damn.... you got me thinkin'.

Nothing but a shit load of blood.

So last night's deal was not that bad, turned out pretty good. The date well pretty smooth and she loved the food, so i'm pretty happy overall, hopefully we can do it some time again but as we progress i'm starting to feel that there's something more between us, something i can't explain.
It was kinda stupid of me because after the dating session, we met up with some people and one thing lead to the next and i was pretty pissed off for the stupidest reasons. At this point, i was about to punch someone but that'd be way too stupid, so i punched the fire extinguisher cover(clear plastic) and it cut open my thumb and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Hella stupid, i know, but i had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Kinda regret doing it.

On the bright side, a buddy was telling me he was close with his mother and that they share everything amongst themselves. Sometimes i wish had someone like that..... Makes me wonder.


For now, i think she's a keeper.

Nigguh Please?

Gonna kick the habit and start getting my groove back. It'll admit it i have been smoking cigarettes quite frequently especially when i'm with some friends, i thought it was be an occasional thing. Yanno the deal. Well i think it's time to completely lay all that shit off, i want 2010 to be fresh and steezin', but when i think about the things i've done in the past and to add this on top, puts me into regrets. I hate to admit this to some of my followers because some may not know this but i've finally come out of the closet.

Aside for myself, i'm really excited about tomorrow and how this weekend is going to turn out because last weekend was rather 'weak'. Sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want it to be no matter how determined you are. People have things to do, and so i do, but to make time for each other is a bonus and it takes a lot of effort for one to come out and just chill out, as i would put it, stress-free.

I think i should put myself to this 'hiatus-status' because school's taking a toll on me and i don't want to fail anymore courses, it was hard enough for me to tell my step mom that i failed philosophy, and it seems like they're kinda disappointed, yet worried. I've been very secretive to my parents, and i would like to keep it that way for personal reasons but eh. It takes a lot for me to tell them something because our relationship isn't that well off, it's probably a trust issue, they run their mouths to asian mothers like water and it makes me look bad.

So just a few minutes ago, i asked my 'summer fling' aka 'summer girl' if she ever felt for me, she answered, "you were boyfriendable material." The rest, she didn't fnish, because we already knew the answer to that, but it was fun while it lasted. To be honest, i'm really happy to hear that from her, sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask. I've been wondering for the longest time, it was like taking a relief dump from diarrhea. I know you have a boyfriend now and that you chose him over me, but if you ever have any problems, i'm always there to listen, regardless.

Enough about me, now what about yourself?

Thanks for your time,
Pte cheng.

You are....

You are the one,
You are the girl,
You are that special girl,
You are the girl that makes me smile,
You are the girl that makes me do crazy things that i've never done before,
You are the girl that makes me think about life,
You are the girl that is there for me,
You are the girl that makes me feel good about myself regardless of my flaws,
You are the girl that doesn't care about what others think,
You are the girl that i can talk to,
You are the girl whom tries so hard to make me laugh, in the end it works,
You are the girl that share the same interests,
You are the girl that i'm crazy over,
You are the girl in my dreams (no homo),
You are that very special girl,
You are special to me,
You are the girl.
Now, will you be my girl?

dam.

After a night from good to bad, i've realized that i need you in my life and that you're more than what i'm asking for in a girl already. Don't take me wrong, i didn't mean to make you mad or anything, i guess it was the misconceptions that made us feel distanced, but after all they are misconceptions, and that shouldn't interfere with what we were doing. "I don't want my love to go to waste."

Where did you go?

I remembered back in the day where everything used to be soo chill, and calm, and now i'm sorta likin' the "fast life shit," if ya' know what i mean. So it's been 2 weeks since school started and i haven't even touched any homework or any readings whatsoever. Why? because i have no motivation to do well in school or to even go to school anymore. I gues you can call it emotionally stressed out. The last few nights has been really chill, didn't hang out all that much actually, just did my own shit and met up with people randomly and calling out the new hang outs.

Here i am, still trying to find my own identity of who i really am, and what i really want in life. Today, i was doing first aid training with my army buddies, and during lunch, one of them told me he went on tour(afghanistan and up in the north somewhere) twice. He was telling how he made $5k a month as a corporal and how it's hella chill there, but be prepared to work your asses off. And now what? I'm considering to go overseas, one tour is approximately 6months with 6months of pre-deployment training, which isn't all that bad either. Perhaps maybe after 6months i come back home, everything will be different because i'm looking for a change. People are so full of shit nowadays, i don't know who to trust and where to start.

For now, i'm going to try in school because i don't my money to go to waste, and maybe work my way around people. I've learned to be lenient, because i use to have the biggest " I don't give a fuck" attitude towards people and it wasn't smart.

In conclusion, i'll just keep doing my own shit and you can do your thing, but remember i'll be there when you need me because you have first dibs to my shoulders. =)

Emo State of Mind

One day, maybe one day, we can fly away together and leave this world filled with shit. It is so true when i say that all the bad things happen all at once. Words can't describe what i feel like right now. It's been so long that you've left me, lately i've been thinking about how you could make this world a better place for me, trying to tell you how much i miss you, but i don't think i can, at least not anymore. I wish you were there to see me graduate, to guide me through my days, and hopefully make you proud. I miss you.




Soldier, keep your head high, look proud, even through the rainiest, coldest and darkest weather.

Maybe.. just maybe..

If the sun shuts down and decided not to shine no more, would i still have you?



--edit

Do you remember the days where, it used to be chill and stress free? The days that brought us back when we had nothing to care about, but playing with legos and perhaps barbies if you were tryna get the girls in kindergarten. Where did all this shit go to? Sometimes it doesn't end up the way you want it to, but that's okay, countless heartbreaks just makes a person stronger, regardless of the situation. I could remember when i first approached a girl, i stumbled, i couldn't think straight and there were a few dozens of those sleepless nights, just thinking about how to make this situation a lot better. Maybe thinking about how to ask her out on a date, thinking about what to say the next day, maybe tryna figure out what she's thinking in her head.
In the end it was always disappointment, knowing that you couldn't be with her, maybe she had another guy in mind, but you were always there for her. Yes that was me, the kid who always tried to make an approach, but failed miserably. And now, i put on that asshole front, just to make myself feel like i can do this. You may say that i try too hard, but i don't care what you say, what matters to me is that if i can get this right. I don't mind if i fail 12312321312 times, as long as i pass once, i'll be happy. I know for a fact that it was for real, maybe if i gave it some time we'd both end up thinking differently. This sucks but i have to get this right. The worse part is giving myself false hope. And there you have it, the story of my life.

hey.

Hey Girl, i'm doing this for your own good, but fun's over. Take it easy and maybe call me up when you're not that busy with your life anddddd all that shit going on in your life, because it seems like you don't know what you want. I've been noticing that jealousy was an issue for you, and i should of known better. To be honest, i don't know what i want either. I guess that we both live different lifestyles and it's too complicated to comprehend with one another, it sucks but seee you around.

Straight up. You don't know if your bros or the hoes are being true to you until they have proven themselves to you, so nigguhs don't go around calling each other bros when they're just a dick that keeps talking trash about you and for em' hoes, don't go around calling them dicks, 'babes' when that shit means notin'. Gotta keep this ish real, and just be yourselves.

nigguhz bounce.

Back to square one.

Alright, let's break down my day. So today hung out with ayex for a bit, and than went to some ghetto ass japanese restaurant on kingsway and knight, or around there. So what happened was a pair of undercover cops came in, and was suspecting underage drinking, but that wasn't the case, they were more worried about gambling because we had dices and all that jazz to do with drinking games. Lame sauce, and people who ate with us were cheapasses, and people sitting at our table over paid a shit load, because some people didn't pay enough. Nonetheless, we got our food just when we were about to leave, which was whack as fuck cause it was sooo slow.
No offense, andrea, but today had to be one of the bunkest days of 2010. END RANT.


Besides the fact that i'm kinda mad about a bunk day, a lot of shit has come up, and i'd rather not mention it, thinking about it gets me kinda cranky. And once again, for the 123123121th time, i apologize to those that have experienced my "PMS."

Leon out.

A moment with you.

Girl, go out, have fun and do your thing, but i want you to remember one thing.
I want you remember all the good times we've had together, because one day we might never be able to relive that moment again.

Love,
Private Cheng.

Feelin' a little superhuman and shit...

You know when i listen to all my 'homes' tell me about their girl problems, it makes me feel kinda emo. I look upon my own situations and see how i can relate, but yet it doesn't always work out that way, i guess i haven't experience a "true first love." I may sound like the guy that knows all the shit but yet i don't. I may sound like the guy with a tiny bit of game, that can sorta talk to the girls here and there, but yet i don't have one myself. Ironic enough to say, i can't get a girl, i'll admit this to all my blog followers. Everytime, i'd get excited once i find that "target" and it turns out to a big disappointment, along with a few heartbreaks. And once again, i tried being the love guru for my bros, but yet i can't get some. I may sound desperate, but is it really all about being desperate, tryna look to hard for love? When people say love will come to you, you don't have to go out there and look that hard, i automatically smell bullshit already. I believe that in order to take that first step into love, we all must put ourselves out there, let ourselves be options for those single ladies, perhaps game them a little, chit chat a little and so fourth. So.. fella's get your game on, step out there and don't give a fuck what other people think or say, because "those who matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter." Love is out there, we just have to get in the circle and making ourselves available and always remember to be humble.

Thanks for your time.
Leon.

This is only the beginning.

I can't belive that the last few weeks has beennnnnnnnnnnnn sooo funn. I haven't had this much fun in who knows how long? A bit of drama here and there, but what would this world be WITHOUT the drama. The world would not have character without this shit in our lives, as much as we hate it, we need it. It was cool listening to all the stories about heartbreaks and breakups, but we all know we will experience it at some point in our lives. So don't feel bad if you've broken up with your boyfriend or vice versa, we know how yah feel, i can always lend you my shoulder. =)
NYE started out really whack, went out with parents to some family gathering until 12:45am, my sister dropped me off at another place, thats when things started getting GOOD, a few cute girls here and there, nonetheless it was a blast regardless of how many people were in that house. Not to be cocky, but i think i'm getting better at this game. I'm happy, i really am, i remember when i started out as a noob, i could barely hold a conversation with girls, and here i am.. This is a wrap, school's around the corner, and i'm not gonna fucking fail anymore courses, bitches. Winterbreak 09/10 was the shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt........ Probably the best time i've had in my life.
Thanks girl, you made it awesome for me, let's make it work?

Pictures of the last few days, was kinda too lazy to update, so here it is.
































Bounce.