speechless

Think about what you're saying before you actually say it because sometimes you won't be able to go back and change it. So think hard about it before you actually speak it out. Words are hurtful, remember that. Once you say something to someone, you won't be able to take it back.



I'm fine.

it happens everytime

BE WARNED, LONG READ.

It seems like everytime this happens i fall back to square one. I can't control the way i feel, and i try to hold my emotions back but yet you have the strength to see pass that. Lately a lot of shit has been going on in my mind, you can tell i'm stressed as much as you are in your life. I'm trying to gather my thoughts, maybe sum it up with a nice conclusion, hopefully with a happy ending to this, but yet there's another voice that i'm hearing in my head that i'll never reach that goal. I'm not happy, i'm not happy at all. I remain persistent, i try my best, i pull out all my tricks in my sleeves and nothing seems to work anymore. I'm breaking the rules that i've set amongst the game, i'm cheating my way through, hoping for the best, cause this shit is a fucking damn hard test. I hate how i can't sleep at night and wake up early in the morning thinking about what to do for my next step. My buddies are always asking, " Why are you still doing this man..?" Dude... i have no clue myself, i just want it real bad. Now i question myself.... how bad do you want this? I keep giving myself false hope and lying my way through, what hurts is that i'm lying to myself. At the end of the day, you know that i'm the one you could always rely on. Tell me it's gonna be okay, tell me not to worry, because i don't want to, because it's going work out just the way i wanted it to be. I'm stressed, but everything comes with a price. "Everything is hard before it becomes easy." Remember that. Imprint that shit on the back of your head. And it will never be forgotten.

"the customer is certainly unavailable at the moment, please try again later...."

And this is how i really feel.....

Have you ever felt for a girl without knowing why you feel for her in that way, just because you know that she's different from all the other girls you've seen. Have you ever made yourself look so stupid, and have all your friends telling you that you're stupid for you to keep going on... Have you ever mentioned her name so many times in a sentence that your friends tell you to shut the fuck up and stop talking about it, because you sound like a "stupid bitch." Have you ever had your friends telling you that you might get played, but you keep telling yourself that it's not true. Knowing that she may not be in your best interest, but yet you still remain persistent because you hope for things to happen, not knowing when but still taking that chance. Hoping to see her even for 10minutes, but you know it'll take you 1.5hour just to get there and back, maybe it'll make your day, even just for that 10minutes of your life. Have you ever felt like this for someone, that someone that could make you so happy, but yet so sad at the end of the day knowing you might not be able to see her because she bailed out on you? Have you ever felt so stressed out that you think the world is going to collapse on you, but knowing she might be the reward, and you push everything to the side and keep moving along?Have you ever felt like the happiest kid on earth when your phone rings and you find out it's not her? Have you ever felt so mad, yet happy when she picks up your phone call the next day after an argument? Have you ever felt for a girl that you missed out on a family outing, even when you haven't seen your grandma for the last 3 months, just to go hang out with her? Have you ever done so much shit for a girl, you don't know where to begin? Have you ever?

That's my story, let's hear yours. =)