Poser101

So my younger sister's graduation is around the corner, and as days go by i still reminisce those highschool days. Sometimes those flashbacks brings us those good memories that we cherish and it seems like its been forever since i graduated, which was almost exactly a year ago. A lot of things changed, it seems like i never talk to my highschool friends anymore. I don't know what happened but ever since graduation, i never really kept in touch with any of them, even those so-called "bestfriends" had their own lives and was too busy with themselves. This weekend has almost come to a conclusion, despite the fact that it was a sober week, everything went accordingly. Things are now different, and i'm on the lookout again.

Reflection

Through the days that we met, i've noticed one single thing. That smirk. That smirk felt so real yet it was so fake from behind. That smirk was like an A-grade Louis Vuitton Fakie. I realized that, no matter how much shit goes down, your family will always be your family. Even if its from the help of a slap to the face or whatever that goes along those lines. I hate being fake, it's not in my dictionary. I try to be as real as things can be, i speak my mind and if people don't appreciate it, then by all means go ahead and tell me that i'm a retard or an idiot. I wish that sometimes people weren't so stuck up and really mean what that say, because in the end you can smell a lie even if its miles away. I'm going to be real with you, i didn't do all this because i wanted something back in return, i did it because it was in our best interest to not have that drama. So for those that know what i'm tryna interpret, i hope you all understand where i'm coming from.
Call me the bad guy, i'll take all the blame, but please, don't lie to yourself. Believe what you see with your own eyes, although you may be influenced by what you hear from others, take caution.

You're going to want to drink up, smoke up, do all sorts of things to take this pain away, but realize that you did this to yourself. Maybe go cry me a river and i'll maybe show some sympathy.

I'm done my time here, moving on and letting the past stay in the past. Deleted.

Leon.

Swagteam Photo Shooting Session.

Alright I'm to get back into photography and i need some suggestions and ideas for the Photo shoot. I'm thinking of somewhere along downtown, maybe Blood Alley or some park/alley/parking lot. Looking to do this in maybe August, so let me know what you all want to do, and give me some dates, so i can work around people's schedules. This will be fun guys.

"Let the good times roll'. "

And one more thing, rock that heat, bring your A game ya'll. Most importantly, rock it with swag please.

Sooner or later.

Sooner or later, we will get hurt. Hurt by those people who we thought would have our backs and help us through the rough patches down the road. People that we thought were "family"that comes and breaks down our barrier. I call this reality. I finally believe that sometimes our best-friends will be our worse enemy. The people that you put so much trust in and so much time to develop that relationship, becomes so hostile. I learned not to believe and trust people so easily anymore, it's best if we all see it within our own eyes first. I'm completely not in sync the last few days, things are starting to bother me, people are not being real and it's not fair. Please don't give me the bullshit of "life is not fair." I've heard that a billionaire times. Maybe if we didn't have such a high expectation then we wouldn't end up with such a big disappointment.


And in regards to my "emo" blog entries and status updates, if you don't like it, ignore it. No one is asking for you to sympathize me, and i'm not either. So don't come up to me and tell me all this bullshit about how emo i look and i'm asking for people's sympathy. I'm writing about how i feel and what my mind speaks. And again if you don't like it, then fuck off. Easy as 1,2,3. I'm not gonna write about anymore of that shit, saying how much i miss you and all that homo/emo shit. As one would say "just act like you don't even care," it's for the best.

Talk all the shit you want, I don't care anyway.
I'm done.

OUT

"We've been together now and girl it's been awhile
Ain't seen that smile on your face
Tell me what could it be, cause I know that it ain't me
Could something be in the way
I feel like losin' it
Straight up callin' it quits.. I wish I can, but I can't
Cause something's telling me without you I won't be half the man that I was... "

SIgh.

Sigh.. why did i have to found out.. i knew it all along.

I don't know how i should feel right now. Sad? Mad? Frustrated? Upset? Content? Happy? Grateful? Regretful? Disappointed?

There's so many things running through my head, i can't sleep, i see the inner goods in you, but yet you still broke that very last hope in me. I don't know what to even say or who to speak to. Friends are there to look out for you, to tell you what's going on, honestly i feel really betrayed.

You always see a way to break me free from my cage, a cage that is so strong that only your love can break through. This cage is a complete disaster until the very end, no one can see how it will it end up, but hopefully we'll see only the positive attributes of it. This cage may completely tear you up, or can make you a stronger, a better person. We all pay a price for the lessons we learn, whether its through spending money, seeing the differences between fake and real and/or experiencing everything without a whisper through the lips of a friend. All in all remember this, "You can loose money chasing bitches but you can't loose bitches chasing money."

I've completely learn this life felt lesson through the hard way, time to start thinking ahead and make better decisions. First off, figure out what you want, then chase those goals and dreams.


Private cheng is out.

shorty's love is like a pyramid

"Like a pyramid, lemme show you...that i love you so much, that we gon' get thru. Even when there's storm, i will never go, imma be the one to keep you safe."

Today was a complete day, even though it started out as bunk, the night got better.
Went to Metro to chill wid kevin and kathleen for a bit and then met up peeps to go to lena's karaoke party. Hahah it got pretty good till the end, when people started getting tipsy and drunk. I swear, no one sings when you're sober. It's a rule. LOL. Liquor on the other hand, clears up everything. I had a good night. Let's hope that everything will be better again. Are we just friends or can we ever be more then that?

Straight up

Remember how hard it was to move on from "that girl"? That girl, that you thought you would marry at one point in your life, that one girl that you thought could make "crazy babies" with. That girl that dropped your world and crushed your heart without even thinking it through, she had that power to do everything you could think of. Maybe things might get better as things progress, only time will tell. Remember that i'm only one call away, having to tell you that you never call me up to even tell me how you're doing.

"Don't worry about a thing" is something i never want to hear from you, I don't want to hear that bullshit over and over again.

That girl..

We belong together.

"When you left i lost a part of me, it's still so hard to believe."

.....

"Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind and don’t play games with heads or hearts. Don’t tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out; half truths are no better then lies. Don’t be cold to someone you care about; indifference hurts more than angry words."

lolwut?

So what i heard was entirely true. The worse feeling is what your friends are telling you and then it becomes reality.
The worse feeling is that you don't realize that you're getting played until the very end.

Nigga, please?




"She tells me she wants to be a raindrop. She doesn’t mind falling, as long as she’s not alone. And raindrops, are never alone. She always has a new story to tell me. Today it’s about being a raindrop. I wish I could of been there, because stories aren’t always enough and words, could only go so far. This is me. Sometimes I wonder if she’s still talking to me or if I’m just.. Eavesdropping. Use to be everyday, sometimes for hours, sometimes for minutes. Healthy relationships are based on communications. But her words, however sweet, so real, sound so distant? Now they float past me, effortlessly, as if.. They were meant for someone else."

So I definitely paid my dues. I feel that by giving my dad money when times are tough made a difference in all sorts of ways. And no I don't feel sad about it at all, this means that I won't be buying my supreme in the next few months.

Sigh, why do things have to be so rough right now? I wish i could just go off to Afghanistan and leave all the problems back at home.

broken hearts.

Take a few minutes and watch this video. Absolutely amazing.

wow

Talk about degrading. It's funny how some people can be so degrading, and the easist way to do that is by getting all slutty with guys. I knnow you girls wanna have fun and shit but have some self respect for yourself. Seriously. Don't degrade yourself when you can do much better, it's harder for guys who actually care for you to respect you in a deeper way. Think hard about what you did girl, its gross.

So tell me who you're seeing now. Tell me that you're doing okay. Tell me that you haven't gone back to your old ways. Tell me you're doing well and hopefully we'll see or bump into each other sometime soon.

Keep doing your thing.

"If you're incapable of loving someone, you're gonna grow old and be an old man with no one to love." - Audrina

I hate my life right now.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Sorry Mom and Dad, but i chose not to go to school this semester because i really wanted some time off to think about the shit i need to do in my life. I want to finish basic training for army so i'm going away for a month, i want to explore and learn more about life. But why the fuck did you have to cut off my cellphone line? Just because i'm not going to school? It's not a legitimate reason, and i know i'm wasting some time right now by not going to school, but i have no motivation or concentration to do continue right now, so i'm going to postpone it to next semester. You won't understand how i feel right now, but i fucking hate your guts, you're always like this to me. I fucking hate you so much, if i see you even at the mall, don't say hi to me because you don't deserve to be called my mother. You're not understanding at all, you turn all the people on my side against me. First you kick me out and we barely even see each other anymore, now you're turning everyone against me making it seem like i'm the one that's doing all the wrongs. You can take everything i have but, one thing you can't take away is my pride. Remember you're my step mother, you're not the who gave me birth and i used to look up to you but i finally realized that you're one manipulative bitch. And you really wanna know why i hate coming home everyday now? It's because my grandparents always bitch at me every night that i come home, and that every night i can't sleep, i blame you. You're the one that gives them another reason to bitch at me for nothing. Hate me or love me, i don't care, let me know when you finally understand how i feel for once.

Your son,
Leon.

=)

"It takes a lot to love someone, but it takes a lot more to love yourself; and sometimes loving yourself is better than relying on someone else to love you back the way you want, the way you deserve to be loved back." - anonymous



Amen to that. Sometimes you're truly better off on your own, doing the things you like, and the things you want without any restrictions or limitations. A life made simple once again. I'm lovin' it.

i know what i want.

I made my decision, steeze over girls.

And that's foh sho.

Stack that paper and cop those new ish. And yes i know i'm materialistic, you don't have to remind me.

Goals

Hm, so i've been thinking about my goals for the next few months and years, i thought i'd jot them down so i don't forget...

- become a corporal by next year, fuck the private cheng, it's gon be corporal cheng ;)
- pass training this july
- get a tattoo maybe in august
- gain 15-20 lbs by the end of the year, so 185, hopefully
- gain some more brownie points from her ;)
- cop that dope boy fresh summer gear
- cop that drivers license
- stack that fat dough
- Stop getting C- only C's and above plz.
- no more emo thoughts, gain those happy points

and that's all i can think of from the top of my head for now.

What am i doing?

"What am i doing? Oh yeah, that's right. I'm doing me, I'm doing me, just living life right now. And imma do this till it's over, but it's far from over. Yeah."

So the weather sucks right now in Vancouver, it's way too inconsistent. And i believe that it really determines our mood for the day, people seem to be happier when it's sunny. Asides from that i don't have much to say, just doing me and living on with life. April wasn't my month, that's all i can say, it was far from being good. I'm happy to say that i'm back onto the road of redemption, and working my way up there again. Figuring out what a person really want is hard, so let's just say that we take another break and let things roll on it's own, not going to force anything anymore.

The worst feeling in the world is knowing that you've been used and lied to. And that's exactly what i feel like right now. People that aren't being straight up and just saying all that "stuck up" shit to you but from behind they're talking so much trash. Status and reputation.

I need to prepare for this shit mentally, because whatever happens, happens.
Get on it.

what would you prefer?

Sigh. I can't help but wait.
Time to suffer the consequences.

Add me on bbm, pin: 213F83DD

Cheng is out.