Shake me till you wake me from this bad dream.

So i've noticed the people that actually care for me and it's amazing to tell the difference between the reals and the fakes. Nonetheless, this weekend went by so quick and exam period is about to begin. Gotta get my studies on and fuck them chicks for a while. I can't afford to waste anymore time on this, so whatever comes, comes. No more bullshit for me. Is it worth it? This has got to be the most hurting weekend of 2010.

Sometimes, didn't you wish you had that special someone you could always rely on, to talk about your problems, to share your emosauce with, and to entertain you when you're bored. Damn.... you got me thinkin'.

Nothing but a shit load of blood.

So last night's deal was not that bad, turned out pretty good. The date well pretty smooth and she loved the food, so i'm pretty happy overall, hopefully we can do it some time again but as we progress i'm starting to feel that there's something more between us, something i can't explain.
It was kinda stupid of me because after the dating session, we met up with some people and one thing lead to the next and i was pretty pissed off for the stupidest reasons. At this point, i was about to punch someone but that'd be way too stupid, so i punched the fire extinguisher cover(clear plastic) and it cut open my thumb and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Hella stupid, i know, but i had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Kinda regret doing it.

On the bright side, a buddy was telling me he was close with his mother and that they share everything amongst themselves. Sometimes i wish had someone like that..... Makes me wonder.


For now, i think she's a keeper.

Nigguh Please?

Gonna kick the habit and start getting my groove back. It'll admit it i have been smoking cigarettes quite frequently especially when i'm with some friends, i thought it was be an occasional thing. Yanno the deal. Well i think it's time to completely lay all that shit off, i want 2010 to be fresh and steezin', but when i think about the things i've done in the past and to add this on top, puts me into regrets. I hate to admit this to some of my followers because some may not know this but i've finally come out of the closet.

Aside for myself, i'm really excited about tomorrow and how this weekend is going to turn out because last weekend was rather 'weak'. Sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want it to be no matter how determined you are. People have things to do, and so i do, but to make time for each other is a bonus and it takes a lot of effort for one to come out and just chill out, as i would put it, stress-free.

I think i should put myself to this 'hiatus-status' because school's taking a toll on me and i don't want to fail anymore courses, it was hard enough for me to tell my step mom that i failed philosophy, and it seems like they're kinda disappointed, yet worried. I've been very secretive to my parents, and i would like to keep it that way for personal reasons but eh. It takes a lot for me to tell them something because our relationship isn't that well off, it's probably a trust issue, they run their mouths to asian mothers like water and it makes me look bad.

So just a few minutes ago, i asked my 'summer fling' aka 'summer girl' if she ever felt for me, she answered, "you were boyfriendable material." The rest, she didn't fnish, because we already knew the answer to that, but it was fun while it lasted. To be honest, i'm really happy to hear that from her, sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask. I've been wondering for the longest time, it was like taking a relief dump from diarrhea. I know you have a boyfriend now and that you chose him over me, but if you ever have any problems, i'm always there to listen, regardless.

Enough about me, now what about yourself?

Thanks for your time,
Pte cheng.

You are....

You are the one,
You are the girl,
You are that special girl,
You are the girl that makes me smile,
You are the girl that makes me do crazy things that i've never done before,
You are the girl that makes me think about life,
You are the girl that is there for me,
You are the girl that makes me feel good about myself regardless of my flaws,
You are the girl that doesn't care about what others think,
You are the girl that i can talk to,
You are the girl whom tries so hard to make me laugh, in the end it works,
You are the girl that share the same interests,
You are the girl that i'm crazy over,
You are the girl in my dreams (no homo),
You are that very special girl,
You are special to me,
You are the girl.
Now, will you be my girl?

dam.

After a night from good to bad, i've realized that i need you in my life and that you're more than what i'm asking for in a girl already. Don't take me wrong, i didn't mean to make you mad or anything, i guess it was the misconceptions that made us feel distanced, but after all they are misconceptions, and that shouldn't interfere with what we were doing. "I don't want my love to go to waste."

Where did you go?

I remembered back in the day where everything used to be soo chill, and calm, and now i'm sorta likin' the "fast life shit," if ya' know what i mean. So it's been 2 weeks since school started and i haven't even touched any homework or any readings whatsoever. Why? because i have no motivation to do well in school or to even go to school anymore. I gues you can call it emotionally stressed out. The last few nights has been really chill, didn't hang out all that much actually, just did my own shit and met up with people randomly and calling out the new hang outs.

Here i am, still trying to find my own identity of who i really am, and what i really want in life. Today, i was doing first aid training with my army buddies, and during lunch, one of them told me he went on tour(afghanistan and up in the north somewhere) twice. He was telling how he made $5k a month as a corporal and how it's hella chill there, but be prepared to work your asses off. And now what? I'm considering to go overseas, one tour is approximately 6months with 6months of pre-deployment training, which isn't all that bad either. Perhaps maybe after 6months i come back home, everything will be different because i'm looking for a change. People are so full of shit nowadays, i don't know who to trust and where to start.

For now, i'm going to try in school because i don't my money to go to waste, and maybe work my way around people. I've learned to be lenient, because i use to have the biggest " I don't give a fuck" attitude towards people and it wasn't smart.

In conclusion, i'll just keep doing my own shit and you can do your thing, but remember i'll be there when you need me because you have first dibs to my shoulders. =)

Emo State of Mind

One day, maybe one day, we can fly away together and leave this world filled with shit. It is so true when i say that all the bad things happen all at once. Words can't describe what i feel like right now. It's been so long that you've left me, lately i've been thinking about how you could make this world a better place for me, trying to tell you how much i miss you, but i don't think i can, at least not anymore. I wish you were there to see me graduate, to guide me through my days, and hopefully make you proud. I miss you.




Soldier, keep your head high, look proud, even through the rainiest, coldest and darkest weather.