it was like .....

I could remember the day that she walked out the door, and left me for good, telling me to be better kid, to listen to what adults had to say. It was like when she left i couldn't cry, i didn't know how to cry. Although we haven't known each other for a long time, it was like the world had ate a piece of me, more specifically, my heart. I felt heartless for the longest time in the world. Each day asking myself what had gone wrong, and how to ease this pain that i couldn't even feel anymore. I knew that she was gone forever, but i didn't dare to ask anyone, until one day i gained enough courage and asked. One responded, "she's not gonna be here with us anymore, she's gone." I looked at the sky and asked myself, "why was i soo unfortunate...."
Nobody could see the pain i was in because i didn't cry nor did i talk, i was in my own world for the longest time and lastly i never asked about her.

To this day, i still question myself, wondering what could of happened if she stayed in my life. I just want to let her know i miss her a shit loads. Come back into my life please. It's been soooo long that i've seen you around.

Most of you won't understand what i'm trying to say but if you do, you'll probably know how i feel. Relate.

Private Cheng out.

You never seem to realize.

I'm quite happy about the fact that i got 22/30 on my first test with minimal effort of studying. And now onto the bad news, i have another test tomorrow and it's gonna be hardcore, kinda scared because i don't understand the textbook at all. I hate school. I hate life. I hate girls. I hate this game. It always seems like that i'm the one to always approach and never will i get the same in return, maybe this is a hint for all the good things to close in and to let the bad things come out. This time i know i was true to myself and that i tried, i'm not disappointed, i just regret doing all those things that made me loook like a fool. Hopefully one day you can be the one to pick me back up on my feet, i'll be betting on that day will come. You might just realize that i was there for you, but you never needed my help, keep in mind you always have first dibs to my shoulders, regardless of any situation. Please, just let me know if i'm wasting my time because the time is ticking and everytime i seem to talk to you, you put on that front that everything is fine. Deep down, i see a really nice girl that had her heart broken, as much as i tried to mend it, you always refuse to let me help you. Don't take me wrong, you're amazing, one day i'd like to make you my wife, but if you're with another guy i'll understand. Remember all the good times we've had, because it might not be the same again, for better or for worse. I'm sorry for being a jerk.






Sweeter than the sweetest girl i've seen.

Enough said. If you asked me, i'm stressed out to the max right now.

Shake me till you wake me from this bad dream.

So i've noticed the people that actually care for me and it's amazing to tell the difference between the reals and the fakes. Nonetheless, this weekend went by so quick and exam period is about to begin. Gotta get my studies on and fuck them chicks for a while. I can't afford to waste anymore time on this, so whatever comes, comes. No more bullshit for me. Is it worth it? This has got to be the most hurting weekend of 2010.

Sometimes, didn't you wish you had that special someone you could always rely on, to talk about your problems, to share your emosauce with, and to entertain you when you're bored. Damn.... you got me thinkin'.

Nothing but a shit load of blood.

So last night's deal was not that bad, turned out pretty good. The date well pretty smooth and she loved the food, so i'm pretty happy overall, hopefully we can do it some time again but as we progress i'm starting to feel that there's something more between us, something i can't explain.
It was kinda stupid of me because after the dating session, we met up with some people and one thing lead to the next and i was pretty pissed off for the stupidest reasons. At this point, i was about to punch someone but that'd be way too stupid, so i punched the fire extinguisher cover(clear plastic) and it cut open my thumb and it wouldn't stop bleeding. Hella stupid, i know, but i had to go to the emergency room to get stitches. Kinda regret doing it.

On the bright side, a buddy was telling me he was close with his mother and that they share everything amongst themselves. Sometimes i wish had someone like that..... Makes me wonder.


For now, i think she's a keeper.

Nigguh Please?

Gonna kick the habit and start getting my groove back. It'll admit it i have been smoking cigarettes quite frequently especially when i'm with some friends, i thought it was be an occasional thing. Yanno the deal. Well i think it's time to completely lay all that shit off, i want 2010 to be fresh and steezin', but when i think about the things i've done in the past and to add this on top, puts me into regrets. I hate to admit this to some of my followers because some may not know this but i've finally come out of the closet.

Aside for myself, i'm really excited about tomorrow and how this weekend is going to turn out because last weekend was rather 'weak'. Sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want it to be no matter how determined you are. People have things to do, and so i do, but to make time for each other is a bonus and it takes a lot of effort for one to come out and just chill out, as i would put it, stress-free.

I think i should put myself to this 'hiatus-status' because school's taking a toll on me and i don't want to fail anymore courses, it was hard enough for me to tell my step mom that i failed philosophy, and it seems like they're kinda disappointed, yet worried. I've been very secretive to my parents, and i would like to keep it that way for personal reasons but eh. It takes a lot for me to tell them something because our relationship isn't that well off, it's probably a trust issue, they run their mouths to asian mothers like water and it makes me look bad.

So just a few minutes ago, i asked my 'summer fling' aka 'summer girl' if she ever felt for me, she answered, "you were boyfriendable material." The rest, she didn't fnish, because we already knew the answer to that, but it was fun while it lasted. To be honest, i'm really happy to hear that from her, sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask. I've been wondering for the longest time, it was like taking a relief dump from diarrhea. I know you have a boyfriend now and that you chose him over me, but if you ever have any problems, i'm always there to listen, regardless.

Enough about me, now what about yourself?

Thanks for your time,
Pte cheng.

You are....

You are the one,
You are the girl,
You are that special girl,
You are the girl that makes me smile,
You are the girl that makes me do crazy things that i've never done before,
You are the girl that makes me think about life,
You are the girl that is there for me,
You are the girl that makes me feel good about myself regardless of my flaws,
You are the girl that doesn't care about what others think,
You are the girl that i can talk to,
You are the girl whom tries so hard to make me laugh, in the end it works,
You are the girl that share the same interests,
You are the girl that i'm crazy over,
You are the girl in my dreams (no homo),
You are that very special girl,
You are special to me,
You are the girl.
Now, will you be my girl?

dam.

After a night from good to bad, i've realized that i need you in my life and that you're more than what i'm asking for in a girl already. Don't take me wrong, i didn't mean to make you mad or anything, i guess it was the misconceptions that made us feel distanced, but after all they are misconceptions, and that shouldn't interfere with what we were doing. "I don't want my love to go to waste."