All about you..

Looking back on the things that we did and when i see how things are right now, it hurts to say that it really seems like closure. Breaking every rule of the game, just to see how things would work out, DID NOT work out unfortunately. So for the next one, i will not break the rule, not even once. And for all those who helped me throughout this rollercoaster ride, you have earned the rights to laugh in my face. No regrets. I'm happy to say that, things ended this way, or else i'd be still giving myself false hope. "I'm glad that you didn't fall inlove me." A very complete yet, meaningful quote. That sums up my entry. I'm not disappointed at all this time, i learned from my biggest mistakes, and i'll do better next time.

I'm happy, now that you're happy with your life.

Private cheng is out, time to do my tax returns.

these are the seasons.

Save me from this fight because i'm loosing. Miserably. No matter how many times i overlook this situation i keep going back to where i started from, and no matter how many times my friends tell me to "fuck it" i can't get over the fact that it all happened. This is so hurting, for reals.

They told me that Money Over Bitches, i told them that Bitches Over Money

I wish we could bring it back to those times where it would be "dope every time we kicked it."

Hurting.

UP and Away

This weekend has been pretty satisfying. Just bumming around and hanging out with some different people. It's been a while since all this shit happened and it seems like i can't describe a single word about what really happened. It happened way too fast, almost as if it was a blur. Feelin like it's almost closure, but yet you want to hold on to everything. Wondering how everything went wrong and reminiscing on the "what ifs, should and could have's." Let me know what you really want in this, i'm tired of just being that person that's always left hanging.

I hate myself.


Pictures over the weekend. Enjoy =)

ai..

I wanna live a stress-free life with nothing on my head and nothing to worry about.

Wanna show me how?

And fuck you, to all those haters and fakers out there. I finally saw your true color, you're fake as fuck, just like how you rock fake kicks too. Fake shit.



"I laugh at them because they're all the same, they laugh at me because i'm different."

April 22th

happy birthday... april 22, 2010.
I miss you dearly. I wish you were here, i can't explain how much i miss and need you in my life right now....
Hope you're doing well up there.

I need to go on a break and think shit through. DEEPLY. The reason i'm still around is because i believe. I believed every word you told me. Am i hearing a lie right now? I don't know. You start to stop giving 2 shits about things, when you know others don't care. Effort wasted.

Gonna be M.I.A very soon, pte cheng is officially going away for training from july 5th - july 30.
You guys know the deal, send me mails with candy in it, write long text messages, and leave me a message. =)

Fuck what you heard.

You Learn To Love Someone When You Find Out What Makes Them Laugh; But You Can Never Truly Love Someone Until You Find Out What Makes Them Cry.


Not taking shit from anyone anymore, i can't stand your shit. After days, weeks, months, years in a shit hole, i've finally found my way to get back up on my feet. I believe i am a changed man. Time to start giving a shit about life and push all the bullshit aside.

Do you remember?

Do you remember? When we met? That summer.

GUILT TRIP

Guilt trip. Fuck. I Feel so guilty. GUILTY OUT OF MY ASSS =(


Sigh.......................... sigh i feel so bad.

I regret everything i did over this past weekend. I hate myself when i have to raise my voice at another person, it's so unnecessary, but when your anger fuels up you just have to let it go. The aftermath is the worse part, trying to tell a person you're extremely for whatever you did and most importantly why you did it. Whatever, there's no turning back now, all i can try to do is fix up the broken patches.


"Baby how you do that, make a grown man cry?"


Man i've been having such a bad week, someone please lighten me up.

FUCK

edit----

Time is key. Do it up big.

Just an average day

I hate how it is. I hate how we always lie to each other when we tell each other that we're not mad. Obviously there's something you're mad about but you won't tell me what it is. No matter how many times i tell you that i'm sorry, it seems like it's a replay of same problems that run through over and over again. It currently hurts to know that you're always being like this, and that we're always fucking around, not making any progress. Fuck our average daily lives. Is this a sign of closure? Hopefully not.


fml.

"When someone loves you they should be able to stop their childish behaviors and be serious with you."

.. watch it, you'll be amazed at how great it is to be living life, think on the brighter side of the spectrum. You'll enjoy life way more.

I'm fine, but i always wonder how you're doing. Words cannot express how much i miss you.

I never knew it could turn out this way

I never knew i could feel so low in life before, almost degraded if you will. I knew it would be a good day, i thought that someone could make my day again, but it turns out that a beautiful day like this could turn out to be so frustrating. I don't mean to whine and bitch about the things i hate in life, but when things go down like this, it upsets me, especially when you're feelin' a bit disrespected in a way. I'm usually a happy guy, but when little things like this just pisses me off, i feel really disrespected. I sometimes wonder how a person thinks, their words should obviously match their actions, but i feel that none of that is going the right way. I try to hide my emotions as much as i can, because i believe that one person's action could affect everyone else. The point is, let yourself be, and when you feel that others aren't appreciating you and your presence then fuck them, they're not worth your time and effort. Or lets put it this way, i've been having a really bad day, i hate my fucking manager.

For those who think i complain too much, i suggest you put this blog on a website block. A blog is a way of expression your own opinions and feelings, so if you don't like it simply don't come back reading my shit again.

Last but not least, thanks for those who enjoy reading my shit.

haters, fuck you

edit -- Which ever one of you fuckers that decided to click "bored" for their reaction, go fuck yourself.

You're a dime plus 99.

I've realized quite a bit lately, but most importantly i've realized that people aren't always going to be there for you. People made their promises, and these promises are never to be seen again probably in the next few months or even years. I hate to say this but, it sucks fucking monkey balls. Just when you need a friend to talk to you, it seems like nothing is going the way you want it to be. I wish that i didn't have to grow, grow apart from people that mattered to me the most.
I miss this that feelin' already, the feelin' of being that friend or whatever you wanted to name it. That person that you could always relate to, it almost seems non-existent nowadays.

I really wanna see how things will turn out in the next few months. Please let it be good.

Imcomplete thoughts again...

So today was really boring, i woke up at 7ish, got to school late for about 15minutes. Sleep through the whole class, and when i got off class at 1030, i went home to sleep again and didn't wake up until 330, and my manager asked me if i could start at 3 instead of 6. So i kinda fucked up and came to work 1.5hr late. But damn that uber nap was nuts!, i never knew that a nap could be that good, felt so energetic for work. Anyhow, life's been pretty good lately, and i'm starting to get my groove on again. Everything seems better when you look at it on the bright side. We only got one life to live, so make it good, and don't fuck up. Let's not get mad over silly things, because it s a major buzzkill and it ruins the mood. =)

So we're just about half way through April, and it already seems like summer is around the corner, i have a few more days of school and than finals which is gonna pretty slack as usual. Been drinking every week for the last 3 weeks. S'all good, just keep going with the flow and everything will be okay. Like she said, "Don't worry."



About time i get a picture wid you Kathleenie =D

What up, Summer2010?
More pictures to come.

Pissing

I've realized that you don't yell at someone that you genuinely like, when you don't mean it. It's pissing at times and you let your emotions out, especially when you're running on alcohol. Maybe this is closure, i'm really unsure of what's going to happen in the next few days, weeks, months and even years. Then again, i made a mistake by letting out my anger on the wrong people, such a stupid thing to do especially when you're all there to have a good night. I know my night was ruined when i finally realized that i did something that wasn't necessary. Very disappointed in myself, i only want to be appreciated, but i feel that i only get the opposite of that, but whatever. Probably one of the worse moves i've made in my life. I'm sorry. I didn't mean a thing i said.

It's those little things that get to you sometimes. The phone calls that she said she would make at the end of the night, but in the end she didn't make an effort to even to say a good night. The promises that we had, you probably forgot already. It's so hurting thinking back to those things. I hate drinking sometimes, i get wayyy too emotional thinking about that shit. Reminiscing on those things that you used to say through text messaging, hurts a little more, on top of all the things that happened.


I epic failed.





Wow... found this on tumblrrrrrrr

It's a beautiful thing

So I'm pretty stoked for Earl's Party tomorrow and i can't friggin wait for shit to go down.
I'm just about to go to bed, but i felt like blogging about something that kinda struck my mind for a bit and made me think about my problems all over again. My thoughts are recycled. I thought to myself, why does everything happen for a reason? It happens naturally and there's no way we can change things, no matter how hard we try. Problems are challenges that we all face in reality, and it keeps coming at you. Keep in mind, it's a beautiful thing. Life would be so boring without it. Enjoy the ride ya'll, it's worth it, and worry less.

I have another thing i would like to point out. Girls that are constantly being wayyy to hard on themselves, in terms of looks. Beauty shouldn't be compared with one another. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I'm sure most of you have seen or heard of this quote somewhere before. It doesn't matter how good you think you look sometimes because your self esteem fluctuates if you keep comparing yourself to others. Babe, there's always going to be a chick that has nicer hair that you. A nicer ass than you. Skinnier than you. A better personality than you. Realize that you can't always please others? Spend your time wisely with the one that appreciates you most. You're not going to win this battle, if you're not comfortable in your own skin. In my opinion, start loving yourself first, and then maybe continue on with the rest. Go see dr. Phil, if you think you can make everybody like you, but please accept the fact that there are haters out there in the world. I love you girls, but most importantly start loving yourself first.

"It's a beautiful thing."

So today i donated some blood, was pretty fun actually, and it was pretty quick too. So as we were getting called up, there was a lady and her name was "MARY JANE" LOLLOLOL... Hella funny.

Anticipating this weekend.
I remember someone telling that, "If you can pick her up, you can drop her down." So true, so true. Let things be, if it doesn't come, than just let yourself free. But remember, take risks. If you don't take these kind of risks in life, than its a life that's not worth livin'.

Same shit. Just another day.

Keep livin' a dream, but refuse to live a lie. I want to get my life back on track. How could this life that was made so simple become so hard to live in? I'm not going to lie, i've been feeling like crying the past few days, but i couldn't. I don't know why i can't because i feel really heartless lately, no emotions, no feelings....
"Pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice." I chose to suffer. I hate staying at home, i hate coming home even if it was really late. Ever since i moved away from my family, and started living with my grandparents again, it wasn't the same. I get too deep in my thoughts when i sit at home, with nothing to do. I miss the way things used to be back at 'home'. I miss 'home.' I miss my 'sisters.' I miss my 'dog.' I miss my 'parents.'




If he loves you girl he'll be there

Where are you now? When i need you the the most. Why don't do you take my hand, i wanna be close. Talk my hand and walk with me. Where are you now?

epic fail.

There was a point in time, where i felt like that i failed in life. I never met my parent's standards, i didn't have any "real" friends who were there for me, and worse of all i didn't believe in myself. It was hard. Life was hard. It was hard for me to fit in, and whenever i felt like i was "almost at home" i had to go back to square one again, make new friends and talk to different people. I believe we loose and gain friends over time, but sometimes "gaining" a real friend takes a lot of hard work and bonding( NO HOMO). It's funny how we talk to this one person for a while and than it fades, thinking that they were your friend the whole time, these people never last. And bumping into old friends, and after that encounter, you guys start talking again, that shit is funny. It's hard trusting people nowadays, sometimes we don't realize that we're gossiping, until things get bad and it backfires. So identify yourself and play your roles, and lastly stay real. Fakes are gross.

Keep doin' yah thang boi.

Identify yourself....

Till this day, i don't know what i'm even trying to accomplish in life, i have too many goals, but yet i can't seem to lay an eye on one thing that i really want to do, it's hard. I see so many things in life that i probably would have never seen probably like 6months ago. I hate it, how i realize so many things could have went different and probably for the better. But that's life. We all know our roles in society, and we all have our own lives to live. When you know that things just don't go the way it should go, make it better, fix it up, patch it up. Keep working at it, no matter how bad the situation is, it'll work out in the end if you put all your effort into it. You'll know that you didn't put enough effort in it when things are actually possible. As one would say, "We learn new things everyday." It's my new moto now, i believe that is true, we learn more about ourselves everyday. Sometimes we hear shit we don't like, regardless of what you hear, ignore that shit yeo. The more you listen to things you don't want to hear, the more it going to bother you, it's unnecessary stress that we stress over. Then again, some things are out of our reach. So for the people that are constantly unhappy about their lives because how they look or what they lack, think about the people that have to live with "battle scars" for the rest of their life, whether it could be a loss of a member in the family, a rough life, or anything that goes along those lines. Quit your whining, and just keep living life. Be happy, be grateful that you're alive. Don't let the little things bother you in life and keep moving forward.

Hate it or love it, this is the real deal, accept it or not, that's for you to decide, but i know i got shit to do, now let's make it happen.

Real talk.


"Keep hatin' on me, because i don't give a FUCK."


OUT

RIP

April 22, 1964 - Feb 16, 1997

Wow, it's almost your birthday. It's been 13 years since you've left. I'm doing fine, but i wonder how you're doing...

Sigh...

JU55 B14Z3

I felt so helpless, that one night. I saw those burning flames within your eyes, not knowing what to say or do. It's so obvious that you were mad. I was scared, i couldn't think properly. We got onto the skytrain, you sat in front of me. I could see you peaking at me every few seconds from the window reflection. I knew you wanted to say something, but you couldn't quite spit it out. I didn't know what you wanted to say, and i was scared to approach you, you looked hella fierce. I can tell why you're so mad. It was my fault, you couldn't even speak a word to me, that's when i knew things were really bad. "Please calm down," i thought to myself. You're really mad, i know. I know it all, you have every reason to be mad. Tell me how i can apologize to you, you looked way too mean to be talking to anyone. Tell me that you're doing okay.


I'm sorry.

I really wanna blur my thoughts, and not think about it anymore, but i can't. I can't see that look on your face without feeling a bit torn up inside.