It's all in my head

I'm not gonna lie, my new years resolution for smoking did not work so well. I've been hacking a ton of butts as of late, and i don't know why but i feel like it's the only thing that can help me relieve stress, i hate how it's the only option for me.

There's a lot on my mind right now, and i'm really tired. I can't sleep late at night, thinking about it over and over again of what i did wrong. It's not going away in my head, and the guilt has been charged. Over time, you'll realize what i said was the truth, and believe me, i keep my words, i'm not a sore loser, nor am i a "sore liar." I hate staying sober, i get too deep into my thoughts and end up over analyzing the situations that i encounter. I have a lot of work to do, i have priorities in life, but yet i can't seem to concentrate on things that need to be done. Papers to write, tests to study for, i can't concentrate, it's so hard to take my mind off it. The thoughts of being there without you scares me. God please send me an angel, i need help desperately. And i want this type love, where it would be like me thinking of you, thinking of me, thinking of you.

No matter what happens, i'll always be that one guy you can rely on, trust me, for the one last time.

I said, she said.

People talk. You hear things. People shout. You hear things. People whisper. You hear things.

Sometimes you hear things that you don't want to hear, and if it bothers you, what do you usually do? You're probably gonna want to talk to someone about it. I'm real about everything, i hate telling lies, i'm not good at it. So if you're one of those people that think i'm just another one of those walking creatures that like to drop bombs here and there, than i have nothing left to say.

First let's begin with lust, and end it off with trust.

"Some Secrets, I must keep within.
Times Flies, but You'll always have me.
No one is born to be lonely."

speechless

Think about what you're saying before you actually say it because sometimes you won't be able to go back and change it. So think hard about it before you actually speak it out. Words are hurtful, remember that. Once you say something to someone, you won't be able to take it back.



I'm fine.

it happens everytime

BE WARNED, LONG READ.

It seems like everytime this happens i fall back to square one. I can't control the way i feel, and i try to hold my emotions back but yet you have the strength to see pass that. Lately a lot of shit has been going on in my mind, you can tell i'm stressed as much as you are in your life. I'm trying to gather my thoughts, maybe sum it up with a nice conclusion, hopefully with a happy ending to this, but yet there's another voice that i'm hearing in my head that i'll never reach that goal. I'm not happy, i'm not happy at all. I remain persistent, i try my best, i pull out all my tricks in my sleeves and nothing seems to work anymore. I'm breaking the rules that i've set amongst the game, i'm cheating my way through, hoping for the best, cause this shit is a fucking damn hard test. I hate how i can't sleep at night and wake up early in the morning thinking about what to do for my next step. My buddies are always asking, " Why are you still doing this man..?" Dude... i have no clue myself, i just want it real bad. Now i question myself.... how bad do you want this? I keep giving myself false hope and lying my way through, what hurts is that i'm lying to myself. At the end of the day, you know that i'm the one you could always rely on. Tell me it's gonna be okay, tell me not to worry, because i don't want to, because it's going work out just the way i wanted it to be. I'm stressed, but everything comes with a price. "Everything is hard before it becomes easy." Remember that. Imprint that shit on the back of your head. And it will never be forgotten.

"the customer is certainly unavailable at the moment, please try again later...."

And this is how i really feel.....

Have you ever felt for a girl without knowing why you feel for her in that way, just because you know that she's different from all the other girls you've seen. Have you ever made yourself look so stupid, and have all your friends telling you that you're stupid for you to keep going on... Have you ever mentioned her name so many times in a sentence that your friends tell you to shut the fuck up and stop talking about it, because you sound like a "stupid bitch." Have you ever had your friends telling you that you might get played, but you keep telling yourself that it's not true. Knowing that she may not be in your best interest, but yet you still remain persistent because you hope for things to happen, not knowing when but still taking that chance. Hoping to see her even for 10minutes, but you know it'll take you 1.5hour just to get there and back, maybe it'll make your day, even just for that 10minutes of your life. Have you ever felt like this for someone, that someone that could make you so happy, but yet so sad at the end of the day knowing you might not be able to see her because she bailed out on you? Have you ever felt so stressed out that you think the world is going to collapse on you, but knowing she might be the reward, and you push everything to the side and keep moving along?Have you ever felt like the happiest kid on earth when your phone rings and you find out it's not her? Have you ever felt so mad, yet happy when she picks up your phone call the next day after an argument? Have you ever felt for a girl that you missed out on a family outing, even when you haven't seen your grandma for the last 3 months, just to go hang out with her? Have you ever done so much shit for a girl, you don't know where to begin? Have you ever?

That's my story, let's hear yours. =)

That should be me.

You know i'm gonna be there whenever, so please stop letting the little things get to you.
Just remember what i promised you, because i never told a lie. But know that, i'll be "that guy" to lend you my shoulder whenever you need it the most, i'll be there.

THAT SHOULD BE ME HOLDING YOUR HAND, THAT SHOULD BE ME MAKING YOU LAUGH, THAT SHOULD BE ME THIS IS SO SAD, THAT SHOULD BE ME THAT SHOULD BE ME, THAT SHOULD BE ME FEELING YOUR KISS, THAT SHOULD BE ME BUYING YOU GIFTS, THIS IS SO WRONG I CANT GO ON TILL YOU BELIEVE THAT SHOULD BE MEEEEE....

The past few nights have been pretty dope, meeting new people and just laughing at the most random shit, to be honest there was very little drama. Aside from that, i've been drinking the past 2 days, and getting shitfaced. I love this feeling, just letting myself loose, chilling and relaxing. I kinda fucked up here and there, but i'm on the road to redemption. I hate myself for letting myself do that, i didn't mean to and i would have never thought it would be like that. Sometimes, when you fuck up, you can't go back and relive those moments where you made a mistake on. You'd have to make up for those mistakes... I made a mistake last night, and i regret every single bit of it. We all make mistakes here and there, and sometimes other mistakes are worse than other, but this doesn't give me an excuse to make a mistake like that. It will never happen again. I'm sorry, how can i make it up to you?

27 facts

credits to marvin king...



This shit is so true, don't even deny it gentlemen.

She's left with an imperfect smile.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you happy, because it's been a while, since you smiled. Call me selfish, I don't care, because I'm putting you at first, and maybe myself at second.

Lovers and Friends

"Tell me you're breaking up, so we can be friends, but we ended up making love in the back of the benz. Than you want me to forget everything that you said, so i guess we are Lovers and Friends."

S'all good.

I know you have your insecurities, and how you feel about guys. I can see the pain within your eyes, you smoke a lot of dope to hope that you can touch the sky.
Yanno, this is the deal. I tried so hard to make everything work and going out of my way just to help you do things, i feel like you don't appreciate me for the things i do, you don't understand how i function. "I'm so done with trying, if you want me in your life, let me know." As mad as i seem right now, i have every reason to be mad, i hate showing my emotions, i was told by a lot of people that i hide my emotions very well, i guess you are right, i am really emotional when it comes to you. I can't help it but to be negative about the situation. When people talk and you hear things that you don't want to hear, it makes you wanna work even harder to fight for it, to prove them that they're wrong and to show them that it was worth it in the end. In the end, people are always gonna talk trash whether if it was true or not, stick to how you feel, and be real with yourself.

Whatever happens, happens, but thanks for everything, it was worth it all even if it doesn't happen.

I could only remember that one day where everything went so well i thought i could hit 3rd base, HA i'm joking but it was such a good day for me, i felt like i was on top of the world. Than came along problems that i would have never foreshadowed, i never thought these problems would come around and haunt me for the next few months. I guess we learn from our mistakes and we try to not make those mistakes twice, but it seems like that i always make the same mistakes over and over again. I'll learn in time that pushing things away isn't always ideal. It's a personal experience that i'll never forget, and i think i just learned something new today. It sucks, love sucks, "love can make the strongest man in the world go on his knees." "The point in being in a relationship is to enjoy each other's company, is to support each other when they need it most." Sometimes, things can't be controlled, and things might happen faster than expected, but know this, if you know you gave it your all and it doesn't work out in the end, at least you know you tried to make everything go "smooth."
Things are truly out of your reach, when you know nothing works. I'm tired, i'm exhausted, physically and mentally. There's too much shit going on in my head and i've been experiencing way too many restless nights. Please let me know it will work out so i can have a good night sleep.

sorry for the love abscence.

So lately, i've been pretty "emotional" as one would put it. To be honest, i can't help myself but to vent out to anyone that would actually listen, thanks ya'll for there to help me out. When things go downhill, you know there's something wrong, and you try to fix it, and you know that communication isn't always the best tool, what do you do? You ignore it, completely pretend it never happened, it has worked in a few cases. Another question for all you lovers out there, "What if you're falling in love with the wrong person?" It's certain when you know that a person actually feels for you and you know when a person doesn't appreciate the things you do, but yet you try so hard to make everything workout. Another individual has told me that love is always present, its just that there was too much or too little love going around. Love should never hurt, and "when things aren't just the same break it off." And when you know things aren't going the way you want it to be, than what's the point? Don't dig yourself such a big hole, you might not be able to crawl back out later on. Us, guys, just want some good mclovin'. Love is not easy, nothing is ever easy, everything is hard before they become easy. I'm such a loser, knowing things may never be the same, knowing that i was the happiest boy on earth when everything was going the right way, and thinking that you would be there for me whenever shit was bad. But things don't go as planned, some would put it as "let things flow."
For better or for worse, i'm down for whatever to make shit good again. Let's make every minute count. I could certainly remember all the days from the top of my head that we hung out and had the best time of my life, i don't know about you but it was fucking amazing. You're cool, but sometimes i wish you could understand me better. We lack communication at times, and when we assume things, it's never good and again, i'm down for whatever to make shit good again. So love more and hate less, because the world doesn't need anymore haterade than it already does. I bet that you'll be a whole lot happier, loving, rather than hatin'. For those that don't really know me well enough, i'm the typical kinda guy, " Hey bitch, go make me a sandwich." Jokes. But i'm just an average joe, looking for some love because love is in need. (edit: holy fuck that sounded so cheesey.)When you know in the end that nothing really works out, find a new person that will love you even more, and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I'm all in it for the love, it's a gamble but its hella worth a shot. We all want to love and be loved in return, girls please make it easier for us. Don't give up because she may be the apple to your pie and remember no matter if we get hurt in the end, the memories are worth it.

This is for the fellas out there that read my blog and laugh at me because i sound like a whining child.

Peace and Love homie.

When love knocks you down.

One day everything will work out, and the pictures that we take will be picture perfect. I've done my share, i guess it's your turn now. Sometimes i wish you'd care...

I can't help it but ask other people for help, and it seems like things just keep getting worse, how did i end up like this? I feel really helpless, shit is so stressing, and nothing seems to ease it out for me. Only if you knew.

"It takes a real man to talk to your girl. If you dont talk to her you never know what your missing."




I tried.. i really did.

degrading.

You hear stuff, you see stuff, and you know stuff, shits degrading. The untold truth has brought me to some attention that i would have never thought of hearing. I'm disgusted, shocked, and disappointed. This shit is heartbreaking, and i can only wait to see it to be a lie, but the truth has came out.

You should know better, no excuses.


Sigh. This can't be happening. But than in time, i'll get over it.

My girl ,my girl

One day, you'll be feelin' on top of the world, with no worries, and be livin' the way you could possibly think of. A stress-free life, with all the goods you need. Sippin' on that red whine, looking at the ocean, tanning on the beach. That's the good shit we all want. Gonna work hard for whatever it's worth. I'm determined. Keep believin'.

Keepin' wish at 11:11, it'll come true one day.

The chapter's done, the story goes on.

It was a rainy day. It started off with me waiting around, gathering my thoughts, munching on some burrito wraps and fries, and hacking a few butts to stay focused. I didn't know what to say, i couldn't think of what to say at the moment. I asked myself, "what was it that i really wanted to say anyway..is there a meaning behind this?" Remembering that one told me " say it straight up, don't be scared and don't run away from it." I could see the frustration in your eyes, but i still had to ask you straight up, without a fear i went for it. I pulled all the wrong moves on my sleeves, i knew it was bad for myself but i still went for it, knowing that nothing is worse than not taking the risk. S'all good, i knew i did the right thing by doing it "straight up." Nothing to loose, and everything to gain. Now tell me how you feel because I can't read a book by reading it's cover. You were worth something to fight for, please let me know it's still the same.
Life's good, stay real, and be true to yourself, i don't want to hear any excuses.
Biggest regret up to date, not moving to victoria for university... sigh